It’s Not Goodbye, It’s See You Later

Time: the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole

Time began take on a whole new meaning the moment my husband swore into the United States Navy.  Time became very precious to me and a very real thing that seemed almost tangible.  Time is often thought of as the amount of time someone has, such as the amount of time someone has together calculated by seconds, minutes, hours, etc.  But time became much more than seconds, minutes, hours, and days…It became about moments and memories and turned out to be the greatest gift of all leading up to my husband’s departure.  75 days later, after my husband swore in, we no longer had those seconds, minutes, hours, or days left with each other, but instead, we only were left with our memories and the moments we had created together.  The time had come for my husband to leave for basic training.

Nothing anyone could have said to me would have prepared me for the deep sadness I felt the evening I hugged my husband goodbye.  Leading up to the moment we said “see you later”, we spent the afternoon playing games, cracking jokes with each other, and talking about the future at the hotel he had stay at with the other men and women shipping out. As it became closer and closer for me to leave, the tears started to flow and couldn’t be stopped.  My husband knew that words would have brought no comfort for me and so all we did was sit on the couch together with his arm around me and my head on his shoulder as the tears streamed down my face, and that was simply all that was needed.  He was holding me together because I felt like I was going to break.  Sometimes words are not what someone needs, but just the presence and the touch of someone is what a moment rquires.  Almost 2 1/2 months later, I can still feel the hug, remember the look on my husband’s face as he walked away, feel the cold air, see the scenery around me, and relive the emotions from the moment we said goodbye.  Except, it wasn’t a “goodbye”, but a “see you later”.  There were a lot of tears, a lot of “I love yous”, and a drawn out hug that neither party wanted to end.  Even now, thinking back on that moment brings tears to my eyes.  So many emotions are mixed into a moment like that.

The moment I got into my car and drove away from my husband time changed for me.  It no longer was about the moments and memories anymore like it should have been, but it became about the seconds, minutes, hours, and days again.  My partner, my best friend, my husband was gone for 2 months and all I could focus on was time.  How many weeks left?  How many days left?  The first few days were the hardest and the thoughts of time seemed to never stop, and for those new MILSOs out there reading this, prepare to cry… a lot.  I cried everyday for the first few days after my husband left and wished desperately that it would get easier.  I NEEDED it to get easier for me to stay sane.  When was time going to change back into the memories and moments like it had been before?

 

 

 

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